I remember the day my parents told me they were getting divorced.
I remember not understanding what was going on.
I remember sitting in the backseat of my mom's Taurus driving through the night to my grandparents house. I remember that when we came home, Dad was gone.
I remember Dad dropping me off one night at Mom's and I remember wanting to stay with him. I remember him picking me up and huging me. I remember seeing my mom watching us through the front window and I remember trying to wriggle out of Dad's hug because I didn't want mom to see me hugging him. I remember feeling guilty for missing dad.
I remember watching Doogie Howser at Dad's apartment on Wednesday nights.
I remember the smell of his apartment.
I remember how my sister and I had decorated the bunk beds he made us with Christmas lights and toys.
I remember climbing up the doorways in his apartment like a little monkey.
I remember when Dad met Janean and I remember feeling like I shouldn't like her. I remember not understanding why I couldn't like her. I remember not wanting to hurt Mom.
I remember the night I felt like Dad loved Janean more than me.
I remember the last day I spent with Dad before we moved away to Wichita. I remember that we went to Worlds of Fun. I remember having fun but feeling like I wasn't supposed to be having fun.
I remember sitting on the floor of my closet the day we moved in to our new house in Wichita, arranging my stuffed animals. I remember Mom handing me that big, chunky portable phone with the extendable metal antennae and talking to Dad. I remember it like it was yesterday.
I remember Dad and Janean coming to visit us and how we went to eat at Red Lobster. I remember Janean brought us sea stars.
I remember Dad and Janean coming back to visit us but mom told Dad to leave because he'd brought Janean and we just wanted to see Dad. I remember feeling like I didn't really feel like how Mom said I felt.
I remember when the phone calls stopped.
I remember missing Dad at Christmas one year and how Mom got mad at me because she could tell I missed Dad.
I remember wondering over the years how different my life would have been if I'd lived with Dad instead of Mom.
I remember getting cards from Dad on my birthday and Christmas. I remember that for a long time all Dad was to me was two letters and two checks a year.
I remember wanting to invite Dad to my high school graduation and mom saying that I couldn't because he would ruin everything.
I remember the night that I showed up on Dad's front porch after tenish years of not seeing or talking to him. I remember that I always knew I would see him again.
I remember the first Christmas I spent with Dad after all the years we'd missed.
I remember the time I asked him all those hard questions that had been building up all these years. I remember seeing the tears in his eyes as he struggled to answer them.
I remember how happy I was that Dad and Janean were at my college graduation.
I remember how my daddy and I were buddies. We still are.
Remembering is important. It reminds you of where you've been, where you are, and how you got there. It also helps to keep you from re-visiting places you've already been.
