The book that changed my life and also made it more complicated

I read a book a few years ago that changed my life. No, it's not The Bible, although that changed my life too. It's called, He's Just Not That Into You.

The basic premise of the book (and movie by the same name) is that if a guy isn't calling you, taking you to the movies, asking you to be his girlfriend, marrying you, then he's just not that into you. He might be into you to some degree, but not enough to take any of the aforementioned actions you're upset that he's not taking. Now, the author does posit that there are always exceptions to the rule. This is what has made things so complicated. Every girl hopes her man or perspective man is the exception, not the rule. Yeah, I think you can see my dilemma.

The book has helped me a lot, because it has cut down on the amount of time I spend wondering why a super cute guy I met who was really flirting with me didn't ask me out, ask for my number, etc. If he'd been that into me, he would have asked. If there wasn't enough time or opportunity to ask (he met me in the middle of a hurricane) he would have tracked me down somehow. Greg, the author, says that you should take the amount of time it takes you to notice a cute guy and cut it in half, and that's the amount of time it take a cute guy to notice you. So the possibility that he might not have had enough time to realize how cute and fabulous you are is highly unlikely.

This was quite sobering, as I realized how much time I spent wondering why all these cute boys I ran into weren't asking me out. Women spend a lot of time analyzing things like, "Well, he said that he really liked my dress. So obviously he thinks I'm way cute! I wonder why he hasn't asked me out yet?", or "He said he was glad he ran into me today, why didn't he ask for my number? He obviously likes me!" It may seem silly, but women have great memories (maybe you already know this if you've ever forgotten a birthday or anniversary) and we analyze everything the cute guy ever did, said, or wore, and plug it into a formula that obviously says to us, "He's into you!" But then they never call, or ask for your number, and you are left totally confused as to what happened.

It's so simple: He's just not that into you. It seemed so obvious when I read the book that I felt like an idiot. How could I not have seen this sooner?

Greg is also a non-believer in girls asking out guys. According to his research (asking a few of his guy friends) most successful relationships come from guys asking out girls, not the other way around. I'm not sure Greg's research is legit, but I am pretty traditional in my belief that the guy should ask the girl out. And if the girl is making it pretty obvious that she's into him, it shouldn't be that hard for the guy, right? At this point I'd like to go into a tangent about another book I read called For Women Only that talks about the inner lives of men and their insecurities, one of the main ones being rejection. However, that would make this post much longer than it really needs to be. But for those reading this post who are thinking just that, that men fear rejection and it's not so easy for a guy to ask out a girl he likes, Greg also makes the point that, if a guy is really into you, he will overcome any obstacles in his way to get to you, whether those obstacles are a hurricane, shyness, an ocean, etc. This is why women love men so much. They are conquerors and overcomers. They strive to succeed at all costs.

This all makes lots of sense, but there are still times, like right now, when I meet a guy who seems so perfect. He's ridiculously good-looking, he makes me laugh, is very intelligent, is a Godly man, and we have so much in common. We always have a good time when I see him, and I look forward to seeing him. He even said once that he thought we'd have a really good time if we hung out. And it's been two and a half months and he hasn't asked me out, even just to coffee. I've dropped so many hints, like telling him to come see me at my other job where I work as a server, hinting we should hit the pool together, and inferring we should go to a movie. And nothing. He doesn't bite. And he's never mentioned a girlfriend or a wife the entire time I've known him. I don't get it. I'm awesome. He's awesome. He seems like the perfect guy for me. I told God the other day that if he had some other guy out there for me who was way better than this guy, than my mind would be truly blown, because this guy seems pretty awesome. He's just not that into me is really hard to accept right now, because it really seems like he is into me.

So back to the book, let's start the exception possibilities:

He recently got out of a really bad break-up and isn't ready to date yet.
He's afraid to ruin our professional relationship and maybe jeopardize his job.

That's all I can come up with. Other than maybe he's gay.

The hardest part is, I know that I'm awesome. I just don't understand why he doesn't think I am, and why he's not into me. Or why if he does think I’m awesome and he is into me, why he isn’t asking me out. That's the trouble with women. We always want to know why.

I think the one thing I remember Greg saying in the book is that while there may be some explanation or exception, a rockin’ girl like me can’t wait around forever. And if I really am a catch, someone else will catch me.