Another Lonely Day

I heard a song on Pandora today by Ben Harper entitled "Another Lonely Day". It's rather depressing, but it’s become one of my favorite songs. It goes like this:

Yes indeed I'm alone again

And here comes emptiness crashing in

It's either love or hate

I can't find in between

Cause I've been with witches

And I have been with a queen

It wouldn't have worked out any way

So now it's just another lonely day

Further along we just may

But for now it's just another lonely day

Wish there was something

I could say or do

I can resist anything

But temptation from you

But I'd rather walk alone

Than chase you around

I'd rather fall myself

Than let you drag me down

It wouldn't have worked out any way

And now it's just another lonely day

Further along we just may

But for now it's just another lonely day

Yesterday seems like a life ago

Cause the one I love

Today I hardly know

You I held so close in my heart oh dear

Grow further from me

With every falling tear

It wouldn't have worked out any way

So now it's just another lonely day

Further along we just may

But for now it's just another lonely day

You may wonder exactly what I like about it. Look at the first verse:

Yes indeed I'm alone again

And here comes emptiness crashing in

It's either love or hate

I can't find in between

Cause I've been with witches

And I have been with a queen

It wouldn't have worked out any way

It seems to represent the end of a relationship and the frustration of not being able to find something stable. And in the absence of love or hate, he’s crushed by loneliness. Whether he finds a “witch” or a “queen”, none of these relationships seem to work out. It seems hopeless.

My favorite part is in verse two:

Wish there was something

I could say or do

I can resist anything

But temptation from you

Here he seems to indicate that he wishes he could fix whatever is wrong with their relationship. It would appear that he is normally a strong guy, but she seems to be his Achilles heel. He can’t resist her. He can’t say no to her. Which is why I like the next line:

But I'd rather walk alone

Than chase you around

I'd rather fall myself

Than let you drag me down

It wouldn't have worked out any way

He faces his weakness and leaves. She can’t tempt him if she’s not around. He’d rather have his pride and be alone than be chasing after some girl who causes him to stumble and look a fool. This is insanely difficult, as I feel like the majority of people in the world are so terrified of being alone that they stay in relationships that strip them of their dignity and self worth.

The third verse struck me the most, as it reminds me almost too much of the last relationship I was in:

Yesterday seems like a life ago

Cause the one I love

Today I hardly know

You I held so close in my heart oh dear

Grow further from me

With every falling tear

It wouldn't have worked out anyway

I was in a relationship like this. It does seem like it was “a life ago”, even though it was only six months ago. I thought I knew the person very well, but in the end I realized I didn't know him at all. He’d lied about so many things that I had no idea what was truth and what was fiction. And with “every falling tear” it made it easier to push him away. Both because I was tired of him causing me so much pain and because he’d become like a stranger to me.

And of course, when you're honest with yourself, you finally realize:

It wouldn't have worked out anyway

Believing this last line was the hardest thing of all for me. Depending on how deep a state of "delusion" or "denial" you're in, you can imagine any number of insane scenarios in which it would "work out". It's quite a step when you are adult enough, and honest enough to say to yourself, and the other person, "This is never going to work out."

So now it's just another lonely day

Further along we just may

But for now it's just another lonely day

And the last step is battling the loneliness. Which is a day to day battle. Because even when I’m feeling fine, others can “drag me down”. I waffle between hope and hopelessness. It all seems so impossible. Too much to ask for. A dream. But hope remains, none-the-less. Because I am generally a hopeful person. Hope is all we have, really. And my hope is in God, whom I know will never fail me.